Five Past Midnight
by Jaganashi
Summary: Yusuke is still having difficulty coming to terms with a normal life and all of the expectations that entails. He finds himself having a heart to heart with the person who would most understand. Yusuke/Kurama friendship fic


(Disclaimer: I don't have any rights over Yu Yu Hakusho. At all. The only profit I receive is the cathartic experience of playing in Mr. Togashi's fabricated world.)

**Five Past Midnight**

Being Shuichi Minamino had taught Kurama a number of skill sets, many of which were entirely new to him. Hospitality, for example, was one of them. At the ring of a doorbell, he could put on the airs of the perfect host: polite, accommodating, and always ready with some sort of refreshment in the wings. Shiori had groomed him well.

That is how Kurama came to find himself preparing tea for two at five past midnight. That is not to say that this particular guest was only tolerated for the sake of social graces. On the contrary, he would have been genuinely and warmly welcomed at any time of night. Most especially when his eyes held thoughts that had nothing to do with the time and everything about needing a friend.

Yusuke looked up with eyes a little too wide as the redhead walked back into the living room, carrying a tray with two porcelain cups and a matching pot. The tray was set gently on the coffee table, and Kurama took a seat on the couch next to the teenager. Tea was poured softly in the silence and Yusuke shifted awkwardly as a cup was handed to him.

"You didn't have to make tea, Kur-Shu-Kurama." The kitsune knew that something must have been troubling the other for him to have corrected himself twice in the same breath. True, Kurama had only been 'on his own' for five months now, both as a convenience of location for the University he now attended and his mother's idea of responsibility building. But in that time, Yusuke had been a semi-frequent visitor and had even helped the fox move in. It should have been habit by now to drop the human name in this small apartment.

Kurama leaned back, one leg crossed over the other knee, to give the impression of relaxation. He only hoped that it would be contagious to his guest. "It's not an inconvenience. I hardly need an excuse to brew something up."

The dark haired teen put his hand to his face in a motion that began as pushing strands of hair back, but turned into rubbing weary eyes. When the hand dropped down, he was staring intently at his cup, shoulders forward and looking too tired to be making house calls. It was a look that Kurama had seen before, but only in the human world. Only between cases. And only more and more as of late.

"You should try it. It's my own blend."

A dark eyebrow arched slightly at that, then the cup raised toward the boy's face. A deep breath, a slow exhale, and eyes slipped closed as he took a drink. Shoulders relaxed a bit as Yusuke leaned back against the cushions, letting the warmth seep right into his core. The flavors were sweet and mellow, both subtle and powerful at the same time. Powerfully subtle? Now that hardly made sense. "What's in it? Some Yokai relaxation plant of...uhm...relaxation?"

Kurama gave a quiet chuckle. "Hardly. It's all of this world, actually." Another sip. "It's lavender. With rose, chamomile, and meadowsweet." The room was silent as they each took another drink. Seconds ticked by, with neither saying a word. Soon it had been a minute, then two. While Yusuke did remember to drink from it once in a while, he had gone back to staring at the light colored liquid with singular focus. Kurama had said his name twice before getting a response.

"Oh, sorry. Yeah." A hand ruffled through black hair that had already lost most of the gel from earlier in the day. "I guess it is kinda late. I didn't mean to bother you, I just...I don't know. How can you do it?" This time it was Kurama's turn to arch a brow in response. Yusuke elaborated, his voice showing the frustration that he felt. "You just...fit in so damn well. You've spent a lifetime in the Makai. Hell, several of them by human standards. I've only got this feeling, from this ancestral crap I guess, that I need more than this day to day life. Go to work. Pay bills. Make other people happy or beat yourself up for failing to. All this fucking order, all this repetition, and it's like people still don't even see each other."

Green eyes softened in compassion as he took in the haggard appearance of his friend. It wasn't the lack of styling or care of wardrobe, but rather, a restlessness of the body and listless eyes. The nineteen year old had been back in the human world for over a year now, only to find that he still didn't have a niche carved out. He seemed most happy when spending time with Kurama and even Hiei on the very rare occasion, and the kitsune was fairly sure as to why. Of Yusuke's friends, Hiei and himself were the most accepting. Even Kuwabara had a habit of chastising Yusuke, no doubt repeating the lectures that Shizuru had drilled into him about leaving the demons and their ways behind for a brighter, more normal future. That tactic was all good and well for those who weren't themselves a demon. But no one likes being told that the way they think, the way they feel, is something that needs to be abandoned. Abandoned for what, exactly? Yusuke only smiled, only laughed, when he was being Yusuke.

When Kurama narrowed the issue down to its most simplistic point, the one closest to Yusuke's home, he knew why his living room held two demons barely fitting into a human world.

"It seems that the discord between you and Keiko is only growing."

That earned him a glare. Yusuke opened his mouth to send a biting remark, then closed it promptly. The fact that he was thinking before speaking told in volumes just how much the boy had already been stewing on the subject. It took only a few moments for the expression of anger to melt into frustration. Kurama offered a small peace offering. "I only say that because it tends to be the ones closest to us, that we most desperately want the acceptance of."

Yusuke sighed, was silent for another few moments, then sighed again. He tilted his head back to rest against the cushion, staring up at the ceiling as he spoke. "Besides you and Hiei, and even Kuwabara, who knows me better than Keiko? Hell, she knows what I am and she's dragged a hell of a lot more heart-to-hearts outta me than I want to remember. She always seems to know what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling, but it's like it's some kind of textbook information. Knowing doesn't seem to change anything. I know she loves me, hell, more than I deserve. And I love her." Whatever he was going to say next was cut off as the ceiling seemed to steal his words for a moment. Then quietly, "I love her. And I just don't get it. If we love each other, why the hell isn't it working?"

Kurama had come to rest the side of his face against his knuckles, one arm propped up along the back of the couch. For years, he had been very careful not to give uninvited relationship advice. It had never been made his concern, so he had kept his experience and observations to himself. Now Yusuke had reached the point of turning to a friend, and Kurama planned to be as gentle but honest with the subject as possible.

"A relationship requires more than just sheer determination to survive true intimacy. Otherwise, everyone with strong willpower would have happy, lifelong companionship. You can love someone with such force, such effort, and it still not be enough to bridge the gap of what the other needs. I'm sorry that you're learning this the hard way, Yusuke."

The dark-haired teen frowned, knitting his brows together. "Yeah, I get the whole 'bridging the gap thing.' And at the same time, I don't." His face smoothed into more neutral lines. "She's been my best friend since, hell, I was just big enough to climb the slide. It seems like that's how it works, you know? That's what everyone expects, even me. We've always been a world apart, but we'd still find each other. When no one else was, I'd turn around and she'd be looking right at me. Really looking. Through hell and high water, through anger and heartbreak, we still find a way to meet each other somewhere along the way."

Kurama ran a slender finger around the rim of his now empty cup, composing the words to say. Having this talk was proving more difficult than he had expected, given his own history of personal experience. "But how hard did you both have to work, just to meet each other?"

Yusuke gave him a side-long glance, prompting him to continue. "True intimacy cannot be found from a distance, Yusuke. And when two people require such energy just to meet each other halfway, they've already strained what give and take they're capable of. It's obvious that you love her, and you see how so much of being yourself hurts her. No one's really at fault, but you put up walls anyway. Of anger, of solitude. That distance hurts as well, but most of the time, it seems to be the lesser of two evils."

Yusuke's voice had mellowed into something more conversational. "Kind of like with Shiori. Except your walls are pure pretend."

Kurama's face quirked into a frown, his own voice growing more solemn. If Kurama were any less a master of his own reactions, Yusuke would even have called it defensive. "I wasn't going to draw that comparison."

"But it's true, isn't it? You're not entirely yourself when you're with her, but there's a lot of love in that house. I've seen it. You make it work."

Kurama sighed, finally understanding just what Yusuke had been asking when he had posed the question, 'how do you do it?' Unfortunately, he knew that the answer wasn't going to be quite what the teen was hoping for. "Perhaps, it's true in part. But it's different as well. I am her son; there's no decision or choice about that fact. She's given me unconditional love, because I am the card that had been dealt to her, fair or not. I am not someone that she seeks out for fulfillment, but rather, someone that she had come to accept long ago as family. She's spent my human childhood reaching for and adjusting to raising and loving a child who was not human enough to establish the typical parent child bonds." He paused, as this was a subject that he had spent much reflection on. "I reach across that gap now to be as much the good son as I can. I love her as best as I am capable of, but I do not delude myself into believing we can be intimate companions."

He watched Yusuke's face, which showed a surprising lack of reaction. No disappointment, doubt, or even frustration. Instead, there was a simple question. Asked as if he were inquiring about the upcoming weather. "So you think me and Keiko, we're a delusion."

Kurama's eyes became downcast as he searched for the most truthful answer. When it was found, he looked up to find Yusuke watching him. He met the other's eyes, open and honest. "I think that you and Keiko are unhappy, and haven't been able to find a way to change that."

Yusuke shifted his body to lean his side into the couch, facing Kurama. A hand swept through his hair again, doing very little good. "It's at the point, and has been for longer than either of us like to admit, that we're both damned if we do and damned if we don't. Trying to walk away from each other hurts more than the arguing, the looking away, even that feeling of always disappointing her."

Kurama listened to the observation while understanding that it wasn't truly a question. It was Yusuke, coming just as much to terms with what he sees as to what he wants to be there. Kurama spoke softly, just as much to Yusuke as to himself. "Very rarely does one come across a path through the wood that's without it's thorns and bramble."

Yusuke huffed and flopped his back against the couch again, rolling his eyes. "Geez, Kurama. You should go into the fortune cookie business. You'd make a killing with those vague, completely unhelpful comments."

Kurama responded with a shrug and a small, endearing smile. "You find it unhelpful only because it does not spell out an action. But really, when have you ever done what others have said? This is your lesson to learn, however it goes."

Kurama took the cup from his friend and divided the last of the tea between the two. "But, Yusuke?"

Yusuke sounded tired, but thoroughly more content than he had been upon arriving. "Yeah?"

The fox returned the cup, now steaming again from the warm liquid. "I'm here, if you're ever in the mood for a fortune cookie."


End file.
